Are You Stewarding You?

After my body went into complete shock, not being able to function with intense pain and crying out to God for the past few days that I wanted only him and desired not to do ministry, be around people, and only long for his presence. This moment took me back to 2018 when I was almost two years into my law career and beginning to hate what God had predestined and called me to do. I realized those emotions and feelings were rising again, yet this was to be an indicator that God was getting my attention through my body.

This year, God told me that the two things he wanted me to steward well were myself in all areas: mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, and relational. As I began to pull away from the phone calls, texts, and being active on social media for the ministry; I found myself longing to be in his presence. I recall telling God the reasons why I didn’t want to steward others because I didn't want to selfishly give our time away. However, Jesus, who has been guiding me in this season, explained that I needed to not operate in the supernatural more, to remember I am human.

Lol, Jesus begins to explain that sometimes we can fail to steward ourselves properly because we have yet to realize the season has changed and now requires a different version of him through us for success in this season. Jesus and the Holy Spirit said: “Xen, I no longer am allowing the grace of your overpouring that was required of the last season to go into this season. This required also helping those around you to learn how to steward and adjust to the version of Jesus through you in this season and all seasons if we are going to do life with our leaders, mentors, coaches, teachers, family, marriages, children, friends, and all relationships the Lord has ordained.

Jesus begins speaking to three places that can help us identify where we are failing to steward ourselves.

1. Rule/Boundary Breaker- God has constantly told you to put boundaries and rules in place regarding managing the things he called you to steward: relationships, ministry, or career, which is all connected to properly stewarding the time he has allotted. You constantly set an allotted time for things, yet you keep breaking this standard God is setting for this season, which leads to burnout and not doing the things God has called you to do well. Mismanaging time, business, ministry, and failure to take time for self by allowing yourself to never get off the clock and allowing things to run into each other. 1 Corinthians 14:40 Let all things be done decently and in order. What has God told you to put in place that you aren’t abiding by that allows others you are leading/stewarding to break this boundary set? Now you not only place yourself out of alignment with God; but those you are stewarding. A better you equal a better them.

2. Jesus To Everyone -God called us to reflect the image, character, and nature of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ but not take on the role he fulfilled over 2,000 years ago. You are constantly trying to fix everyone around you and be the solution to their situation because of the prophetic insight you have; however, you feel drained, exhausted, and unable to do what you need to do for God and yourself. Everyone has become an assignment, and you are distracted from producing from a place of rest. This behavior has enabled people to rely on you and birth a spirit of entitlement in them because of constantly carrying your cross and theirs when Jesus alone did it all. He did not ask us to intervene to be him. How can this person become solely dependent on Jesus if you now have become an enabler and a hindrance for them to cultivate a genuine relationship with Jesus, Father, and Holy Spirit? Your desire for them to not fall, make mistakes, control their behaviors, or micromanage their lives is not the will of God. Are you Jesus? Are You The Father? Are You The Holy Spirit? We know the answer is no, so why are you taking on the Godhead’s role in your family, marriage, children, friendships, relationships, career, ministry, or other areas that God has called us to bear his image not be Him?

Matthew 11:28-30

Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Stop picking up what Jesus didn’t call you to carry. Yes, we bear each other burdens and those assigned, but when we have become a replacement of being Jesus to them or allowing others to feel like we are the source, we now move out of alignment and have entered into a space only for Jesus to fulfill.

3. Perfectionist That Can Do It All By Yourself – God has not called us in the body to do life alone and has not called us to a vision that we complete in our strength. He has placed destiny helpers around us to assist with fulfilling the vision of our lives as we are to help fulfill the vision of theirs and others he sends us to. When you fail to delegate as a servant leader, you become bogged down and overwhelmed with what God has called you to steward. You want everything done your way, fail to accept any help, and think if it doesn’t get done your way then it's not successful. You constantly place these unrealistic expectations upon yourself or allow others' unrealistic expectations of you to take precedence in your life. Removing the standard Jesus has set for you, you have raised a bar based on those expectations done through self and a place of work. You are constantly telling everyone the things you have going on and how busy you are, yet you aren’t completing or executing the vision successfully or on time as God has requested. Has your work become an idol, has your work become a place of identity and comfort, or has the desire to look busy speaking to a greater issue that is at hand? Insecurity, fear, anxiety, worry, identity crisis in this area, or more? God did not call us to perfection; instead, he would perfect us.

Psalm 138:8

The LORD will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.

1 Peter 5:10

But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.

It is Jesus, the Father, and the Holy Spirit who we completely need to do the things he called us to and not from a place of doing it from self. The spirit of excellence is not perfection.

In a spirit of excellence, you will need help, learn to delegate, and experience failures, and setbacks; but it does not mean that you aren’t pleasing the Lord or doing it right because these things occur. As believers, we are to depend solely on God and then rely on those he has placed around us. Maybe you are moving in a mode of perfection because the help God sent can sometimes not rise to where God has called them and this is where you meet them through praying for them. Then take time to have a talk and communicate those things with them because you are called to steward them. God wants us all to improve, but it requires all of us to play our part and contribute and not depend on one person.

We aren’t Jesus, we are sons of the Father because of Jesus and the Holy Spirit. As children let's take our place in resting in God and evaluating if we fall into either of these categories and do a self-examination with the Holy Spirit to place you back on track. We know when the Holy Spirit reviews our behavior and work, it doesn’t feel great; but he is the most honest and purest Teacher I know. This is what I love about him.

He was honest in telling me I was a boundary breaker specifically of time and that for this season, I have to remain within the time frame to minister and even prohibit texts, calls, social media DMs, etc to wait because the best version of me is being developed for this season to fulfill all he has for me and those I am called to steward. Jesus said: Xenophobe, you are my Epistle, but you aren’t the world and people’s Epistle. Of course, my loving daddy, Abba, Father, reminded me I am his little girl that less actually means more, and that he misses being with me just as I longed to be with him, which was one of the reasons he allowed me to experience these events over the past few days. My check engine light was on and now he said let's put a plan in place to move forward that you will stick to. The Inner Healing/Deliverance/Wellness Coach can’t equip/coach others when she is out of alignment with the main Coach God. I pray you enjoyed this read and that you allow your heart to take this time to do what God needs. Love you all.

Xenophobe Ella Fedison